I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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