broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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