Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did i walk over a car last night?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
