watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
