I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Randomize
