She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
