Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
