My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
