So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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