Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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