he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
