her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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