I have demons in me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
