Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
