Sorry, I don't speak sober.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
