the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
