The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
