I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
