Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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