I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
