I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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