Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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