If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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