I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
