i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
