Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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