Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I pour the whiskey from now on
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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