At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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