Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
