I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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