i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
