Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
