Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
