break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
