I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
