i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
