Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
