The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she looked like the before picture.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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