I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
