By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
