Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
