But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
