Banned from zoo.
Again?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
