i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
