she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.