i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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