I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
