You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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