Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
id be glad to
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize