you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
