I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
