Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
