mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
