2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
