Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
