That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
