the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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