this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
