Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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