apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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