I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
