I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
