I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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